remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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