im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
