i love accidental penises.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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