there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
