life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm at about main and main street
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
