oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
