Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
birth control should be required to get into college
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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