how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
