I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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