Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
