Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
