if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
