I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
