You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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