Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
