All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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