Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
