I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
