I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
she smelled like a LAN party
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
