Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
