matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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