Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
