Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
