I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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