it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
