Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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