she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
