Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
