so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
