i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
