im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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