dude i'm inner monologue high
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
