I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
