My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
