At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
