im having a threesome with these popsicles
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
