were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
