I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
