this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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