Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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