we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
