The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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