We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
