You can't special order awesome
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Randomize
