That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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