Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
