I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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