So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
