he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
