So drunk its hurt
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
