It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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