Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
