We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
