Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
