i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
